Parents have to be well rounded when having more than one child . THey ned to attend to each one needs and be apart of their day ins and outs of life that happen never giving one more of their time than the other or put the needs and attention just toward one of their children BUT this is not possible and does not happen when you have a child who is a drug addict.
Siblings so often take a back seat to the child with addiction b/c the parent total focus is on the addict 24/7. Parents miss other children activities or even if they are there in body their mind is standing , sitting (mentally),worrying about , or angry with the child that has the drug addiction. It is so unfair and not right . The siblings learn that the addicts life engulfs their parents every moment and a distance ,jealousy and hate sometimes begins to develop, fester and grow . The sibling is forced to grow up very quickly b/c of the bad choices of their addicted brother/sister
The sibling often becomes the parents outlet good and bad they lean on them and take out all their frustrations and anger out on them/ This adds more issues to an already turmoil situation. Siblings really get the short end of the stick but it can be a blessing within the curse it can show them the exactly what addiction and drug abuse does to the addict and the family.
Parents of the other child often need to choose the addict or the no addict it is a choice no parent ever wants to make but what do you do when the situation and the addict repeaditly continues on their path of destruction . You choose to be a parent from a distance either physically or mentally. All b/c of bad choices of onr family member lives are forever changed
When a parent has a child with a drug addiction life stops because it basically it has to . The reason the addiction of your child engulfs not only the addict but you as the parent as well. It is your every moment of thought ,action, life in general you forget about everything and everyone else because you wan to stop and save your child from the nightmare they chose to live.BUT you can not instead you begin to live your own nightmare were you begin to lose your mind .
A parent of an addict has to step back at some point ,at least I did, and decide is this how they want to live forever constantly in mass confusion,terror and anger. I had to let my child live with his own choices and deal with the consequesences because of them and those consequences were life altering to him and us .
I learned though to be able to function I had to move forward and allow my life and the other people in my families life to go on and not stand still b/c of my child’s addiction. That was not easy and some days it was impossible but to be there for my son I had to be able to function and not be trapped in the vicious circle of self blame and enabling of his addiction . Some called it tough love I called it survival for myself and the rest of my family.
Each person decides how they will handle situations but in every situation Life must go on
Everyone has an opnion on addiction what they would do what they would not do . The you should do this and why do you put up with that and I would never allow that to take place in my home from my child , throw them out , put them in rehab, give them tough love , no love ,extra love it goes on and on the list of things you should as a parent of an addict do .Almost everyone is a Monday morning quarterback who have hind sight twenty twenty of a situation they are no part of . People wonder why parents of addicts do not share their situations or talk about the nightmare they live daily because so few will listen who have not been there without critisizing any decision one chooses to do to help the their addict child, It is a very lonely place that is not helped by those who talk about you and what you have prayed about cried about and chosen to do praying to God it was the right decision this time.
This all changes those when people are on the same side of the fence when they have an addict for a child they become just as defensive and guarded and suddenly unjudgemental of the nightmare so many people deal with daily that they once were so harshed to judge. No addict or loved one of an addict journey is the same. The common denominator is the drugs that rule the situation. Opinions are not needed plans and solutions are needed to change and stop addiction. Well meaning suggestion can be just another kick in the stomach knocking the wind out of the loved one of an addict again . Think before we speak because truly unless you have been there you have No Idea and even if you have no 2 situations are the same . Sometimes are ears were made to just listen not to a be device to activate our mouths with opinions and advice we are not qualified to give . Society needs to do something about our ,out of control drug situation but instead of judging it we need to come together as one and fix it.
May no parent go through the nightmare of having an addict because it will forever change your world
The addict can recover completley from their addiction and some do but it is only through wanting to for themselves and were as they need a support system and must have one to help fight the battle the battle is mostly fought alone and in the scariest of places their own mind. Only the addict knows what their weaknesses are and their trigger points to use and only they can back away from them RUN FROM the to stay in recovery . Unfortunatly recovery is a very lonely place for the addict they can not hang with the “friends” ( other addicts) they had and in the beginning of recovery they don’t have friends who don’t use or they do not know how to relate with them.
An addict can feel so lost and loved ones feel just as lost b/c they don’t know what to do you can say all the right words like a manuscript from a movie but words can only be but so helpful you can support them and encourage them but in the end the decision and battle is theirs alone to stay clean and in recovery . ParentS want their child to have a normal life friends , being a part of family gathering doing every day things BUT it is all to the addict to want that normalcy and achieve it . It is a struggle to watch your child struggle to rebuild and rediscover their self and their lives it is holding your breath waiting to breathe experience .
Just like an addict the parent and other loved ones of an addict can only live in today. I know that is true for all people but definitly those of an addict . As the parent if you look back to the yesterday you will beat yourself up with so many things and if you look to tomorrow you will holds the regrets of yesterday in your mind be/c of what could of been and did not happen. I have learned many things from being a parent of an addict . I have learned its ok to be angry and to hate the drug addict and all the things that happened through their addiction. I have learned that people are going to judge the situation of addiction no matter what choice you as a parent does to help or not help the drug addict child . I have learned most of all one can not undo regret .
Today is the day we must focus on most of all because today is the only day they i can take min by min second by second and try not to live from yesterday and make promises for tomorrow I may not be able to fufill because today did not go as planned. I am continual holding my breath waiting to breathe but that is just for today may tomorrow I will exhale completly
Why is my child a drug addict, why do they not care what they are doing to themselves,to me, their siblings, those that love them boyfriend girlfriend ect. WHY WHY WHY its a question that vibrates through your mind and out your mouth like a spoil child throwing a tempertantrum. It is a question that can never be answered b/c there is not a justifable answer that will make it ok for the things the drug addiction made you do and there really is no answer to why one begins to use . There are a lot of excuses and blame but no answers .
Why is the addiction so much more to you than your mom why did you let it destroy you answer meeee!! I have said those words throughout my sons addiction to him to the wall and to the few who knew the situation but there was no answer which makes it so much harder to dwell on the question.
I know the answer a little better now that he is in recovery and has almost 2 years of being clean but the answers still don’t stop the pain the question caused. I have always said if you don’t want the answer don’t ask the question but this is one of many questions that haunt me. Even with him being in recovery 2 years I still have the question why because recovery is only a daily stepping stone there is still so many days tat are rough and bad and you still think some of things that you did when they used . Watching a recovering addict struggle and overcome obstacles I still have the question WHY WHY WHY did this happen and my only answer is one night while out with his friends he chose to use a moments decision that changed his and everyone in his life forever . WHY WHY WHY
When one has a person addicted to drugs in there life everyday is just another day that one has to deal with the addict and all the daily issues that come with having an addict in your life. See families and loved ones are very cautious about having people over or celebrating special days or events because they never know how the addicts day will be or how they will act. My experience was my son would be at his worse during special occasions which made for even more hurt feelings,tears and dread. I got to a point were I would rather sleep through a holiday or event than deal with the nightmare that would occur.
Even when the person with the drug addiction isn’t there they still dominant the day because your thoughts are wondering what they are doing ,who are they with and why can’t they just be normal . Everyday is the same day when there is an addict in your life with the exception some are far worse than others because the drug addict steals all the limelight from others and makes everything and everyday about them The sad thing though is they don’t realize it and they do realize it but just don’t realize the memories f nightmares they are making. The life of a drug addict is the same thing everyday just another day because addiction doesn’t allow for special things because that would take away from the addiction and until the addiction ends it is a continual circle that occurs
There is so much loss in the life of a drug addict and their families and I know I have referenced to it many times in my blog post and will probably continue because loss is the one of the consistent things that do occur in the world of drug addiction but the out of all the things lost and never regained the most senseless and tragic is the loss of life because of the disease of addiction.
No parent should ever have to bury a child but sometimes it is unstoppable ,diseases occur , car accident happens , even horrifically one could be murdered or commit suicide. All of those loses are heartbreaking but the loss of a life to an overdose is so senseless and so preventable on so many levels , Addictions kills when one chooses not to stop but once the addiction takes the life of the addict for them it is over but for their loved ones their mom and dads the loss is forever and it is a loss that can destroy them just as much as the drugs destroyed the addict and it is SO SENSELESS SO VERY SENSELESS.
Every time I hear about another life taking b/c of this disease it breaks my heart and I wonder will my son decide one more time will be ok. See another young person in our community lost their life this weekend to the battle of addiction someone my son knew someone he used and hung with a beautiful life taken way before they had a chance to live. Words do not help in this situation no matter how comforting they are and how heartfelt they mean to be. I wonder what does one addict truly think when another addict dies from the same thing they do no matter how in invinceable they think they are somewhere in the back of their mind their invincibility must waver some.
The after shock of an earthquake can be almost as devesting and destructive as the actual earthquake itself when an earthquake occurs. Just as the aftermath of a person drug addiction into recovering can be not only for the addict but the loved ones as well. The addict can experience a different range of things that may happen to them they may go through the withdrawals , anger toward oneself as well as those around them and for awhile an emotional roller coaster of feelings and fears as does the loved ones. The addict may never recover and bounce back and forth between short periods of not using but eventually always returning to the demon they are unable to give up control to .Then the ultimate thing the addict may do is lose the battle completely and die. All of these scenerios have an aftershock for the friends and family of the addict but especially the parent of an addict.
My son used for about 4 strait years mainly marijuanna in the beginning but the last year of his addiction he was strung out on some very hard drugs , meth,coke ,pills, heroine you name a drug and he would try it . No parent ever thinks the day their child is put in their arms he will grow up to be a drug addict actually the worse two lies a parent tells them self is my child would never use drugs and I would know if they were using . I told my self those lies so many times b/c I didn’t want to face what was in front of me a 19 year old drug addict I was afraid to be alone with or to leave in my house by himself . I thought it couldn’t get any worse but I was wrong very wrong he overdosed and than the aftershock of the nightmare began .
He was placed in psych unit b/c he saw dead people ,he heard voices that told him to kill and harm his family he had no idea who he was where he was or who I was his body survived the overdose for the most part but his mind was lost in darkness after shock was a point 8 on the rictor scale at this point. Everyone told me at least he was a live no he wasn’t alive yes he had a heart beat yes he walked ,and ate but other than that my son was gone he was as dead as if the overdose had took his life BUT I could not bury him I had to grieve a living person which is a nightmare within itself more aftershock . No one understood but as with every night comes daylight and with every earthquake and aftershock comes regrowth and new development. The son I watched grow from a little boy into a man with addiction is dead forever and I miss him sometimes very much b/c my new son is different person in lot ways not all good but not all bad he just different he in not my —- . The aftershock is still there almost two years later we rebuild a little each day sometimes we have to bulldoze and start from scratch but we recover