Why

Why  is  my  child  a  drug  addict, why  do they  not  care  what they  are  doing  to themselves,to me, their  siblings, those that  love  them  boyfriend  girlfriend ect. WHY WHY WHY  its  a  question that  vibrates  through  your mind  and  out  your mouth  like  a  spoil  child  throwing  a  tempertantrum. It  is  a  question that  can  never be  answered b/c there is not  a justifable answer  that  will  make  it  ok  for the  things  the  drug  addiction  made  you  do  and  there  really is no  answer  to  why  one  begins to  use  . There  are a lot  of  excuses  and  blame  but no  answers .

Why is the  addiction  so much more to  you  than  your mom  why did  you  let it  destroy  you answer meeee!!  I  have  said  those  words  throughout my  sons  addiction to him  to the  wall  and  to the  few  who knew the  situation but there  was  no  answer  which makes  it  so much  harder to  dwell  on the  question.

I know the  answer  a little  better now  that he  is  in  recovery and  has  almost  2 years  of being  clean but the  answers   still  don’t  stop the  pain the  question  caused. I  have  always  said  if you  don’t  want  the  answer  don’t  ask the  question  but  this is  one  of many  questions  that  haunt me. Even  with  him  being  in recovery 2 years  I  still  have  the  question why  because   recovery is  only  a  daily  stepping stone  there is  still  so many  days  tat  are  rough and  bad  and  you  still think  some of things  that  you  did  when they  used . Watching  a recovering  addict  struggle and  overcome obstacles  I  still have  the  question WHY WHY WHY did this  happen and  my  only  answer is  one  night  while  out  with  his  friends he  chose  to use  a  moments  decision that  changed  his  and  everyone in his  life forever . WHY  WHY WHY

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Just another day

When one has a person addicted to drugs in there life everyday is just another day that one has to deal with the addict and all the daily issues that come with having an addict in your life. See families and loved ones are very cautious about having people over or celebrating special days or events because they never know how the addicts day will be or how they will act. My experience was my son would be at his worse during special occasions  which made for even more hurt feelings,tears and dread. I got to a point were I would rather sleep through a holiday or event than deal with the nightmare that would occur.

Even when the person with the drug addiction isn’t there they still dominant the day because your thoughts are wondering what they are doing ,who are they with and why can’t they just be normal . Everyday is the same day when there is an addict in your life with the exception some are far worse than others because the drug  addict steals all the limelight from others and makes everything and everyday about them The sad thing though is they don’t realize it and they do realize it but just don’t realize the memories f nightmares they are making.  The life of a drug addict is the same thing everyday just another day because addiction doesn’t allow for special things because that would take away from the addiction and until the addiction ends it is a continual circle that occurs