What If

What  if  two very  little  words  with  so much meaning and  impact.  What  if  he  never had  become a  drug  addict  what  would  his  life be  like  now  instead of the  way it is.  What if  he  used  and  it  scared him  so he never  used  again or  hung  out  with people  that did  would he be  an  advocate  against  drug  use  would  he  have  disconnected  from those  people  and  found  real  friends  to  enjoy his  teen age years  with instead of  not  really  having  any friends  at  all. What  if  I  as  the  parent  had  seen the  signs  sooner  would I have  chosen  a  different  way  of  doing things  than the  way I  did.  What  if  I  had used tough love  that  I  was  told  needed  to be  done  would  my  nightmare  have  ended  sooner .

Those  two  little  words  are  very  haunting  they  scream  at you in the  middle  of  the  night  when you  can’t  sleep .When  your  having  a  bad  day  because  the  child  you love  is  struggling  in  recovery  with their  addiction  the  WHAT  IF  is  there  always  starring  at  you . The  what  ifs  paint  a  very  pretty picture  of the  way  things  could  of  been  that  it make  you  hate  your  situation  even more  so than  you  already  do . Sometimes there  is  no  escape  from  your  own thoughts  because  your  what  if  places  blame  not on the  drug addict  or the  dealers  but on  you the  loved  one  the parent

What  do  you  do  when the  what  ifs  haunt  you?  Somedays  I  give  in and  imagine  the  coulda  woulda shoulda  if  I  had  done  them and  what may have  been  a  totally  different  life for  all  of my  family  but  ecspecially  for me  and  my  oldest  son.Then on other  days  I  think  of the  journey  and  possiblities  that  are going  to take  place and that  are  happening. Through  this nightmare  lives  can  be  touched and  changed  through  our  story  of  tragedy and  destruction  of  a  new  creation and  unconditional  love being  nutured  and  cared  for . The  what if for  now  is a story  of  what  could of been  because  of the  drug addiction  BUT  one  day  the  what  if  will become a because  of  and  the  story  will be  phenominal

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