Source: What If
What if two very little words with so much meaning and impact. What if he never had become a drug addict what would his life be like now instead of the way it is. What if he used and it scared him so he never used again or hung out with people that did would he be an advocate against drug use would he have disconnected from those people and found real friends to enjoy his teen age years with instead of not really having any friends at all. What if I as the parent had seen the signs sooner would I have chosen a different way of doing things than the way I did. What if I had used tough love that I was told needed to be done would my nightmare have ended sooner .
Those two little words are very haunting they scream at you in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep .When your having a bad day because the child you love is struggling in recovery with their addiction the WHAT IF is there always starring at you . The what ifs paint a very pretty picture of the way things could of been that it make you hate your situation even more so than you already do . Sometimes there is no escape from your own thoughts because your what if places blame not on the drug addict or the dealers but on you the loved one the parent
What do you do when the what ifs haunt you? Somedays I give in and imagine the coulda woulda shoulda if I had done them and what may have been a totally different life for all of my family but ecspecially for me and my oldest son.Then on other days I think of the journey and possiblities that are going to take place and that are happening. Through this nightmare lives can be touched and changed through our story of tragedy and destruction of a new creation and unconditional love being nutured and cared for . The what if for now is a story of what could of been because of the drug addiction BUT one day the what if will become a because of and the story will be phenominal
Drug addiction takes so much & so many different things not only from the addict but from the loved ones of addicts as well. Material things are taken by the addict from loved ones to pay for their addiction and at times addicts will steal from others as well causing more things to be taken. Time is a huge thing taken b/c days,weeks,months and years are stolen from all those affected by the drug addiction the addicted is consumed with.
During the time that things are being taking those affected by it really don’t always notice their losses how can they when they are slowly being taken from them sometimes daily and sometimes momentarily but always being taken. The major things taken that can never be replaced are memories and moments of memories. I had the memories of my son going to social, prom and graduating high school , having a girlfriend or just hanging out with his friends doing normal things those things were replaced with getting in trouble going to jail, quitting school and just not caring what his actions took from others.
One thing that is never taken when dealing with someone who you love is a drug addict is tears there is always an abundance of tears and heart ache . Those will never be taken during the addiction b/c that is all the drug addict has to give during that time of their life.
There is some hope especially when the person begins and stays in recovery the drug addiction is taken and the drug addict no longer exist as long as they stay on the road to recovery. My son is 21 months clean but the child I gave birth to was taken with the drug addiction and aftermath that comes with addiction I now have a new person who is my son who I am coming to know b/c love and trust are also taken during the period of time when all the addict has to give is to take everything from everyone else.
How many loved ones of addicts had things that were never taken from them and how do you try to to move on and forward so that you can receive from the one who hurt you so much ?