Memories to holding your breathe

Have you ever wished you could erase all the bad memories that are accumulated with the pain that comes with drug addiction .I do ! I know the memory board on Facebook is meant to remind us of good times and to smilebut that is not always the case some days that pop up from 2 years ago bring me to time where the world was falling apart and nothing I did or how hard I prayed could stop it. Every moment it hurt to have a heartbeat. Has anyone else who has dealt with  someone they loved who had drug addiction felt that way ?       

The memories are easier now because my son is 18 months clean. Everyday  somewhere in  my mind I wonder though will he use again because I still relive those days in my mind to make sure old patterns are not slipping back into today’s excistance. You may ask don’t you trust him since its been over a year and going into 2 years and the answe for now is no wrong or right. It is more of being scared ro actually relax and take a breathe than it is of trusting its protective blanket for myself and away of him being accountable and stay on track.

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5 thoughts on “Memories to holding your breathe

  1. I have lived this way since my son was 8 years old. That’s when his oppositional defiant disorder reared it’s ugly head and if he was counseled not to try drugs then he twisted it into I am going to try that drug don’t tell me what to do. He is 30 now, married with 2 beautiful girls but addiction to methamphetamines has nearly destroyed his marriage and him. We lack resources for mental health in this nation and everything is try this pill, wait 45 days maybe the office will have a psychiatric to see you. I barely breathe these days. I am reaching out to anyone who might have some kind words or comfort for a 60 year old woman who is quite frankly exhausted and beaten from this merry go round of addiction. My daughter has taken the lead in talking to him when he is on a meth rant about everything and everybody. Mental illness, yes he has it but no on has ever diagnoses it correctly and we do not know what he has. Thank you for your blog, I will wait to hear from anyone who wants to give me some direction. Bless you

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